Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Éirinn go Brách

Happy St. Patty's Day...

Though I have red hair, my folks are of more Scottish descent than Irish.

Doesn't matter today though,  when everyone wears green and well, we redheads look great in Kelly Green... anyway... as my mum would say, "In the end, we're all Celts," or something to that effect.

Have some green beer, or a car bomb, or whatever if you're of age to do so and wear green (originally blue was the color, but who's keeping track) if you don't want to get pinched.

In other news, the beloved Sir Terry Pratchett passed away March 12, 2015.

He was one of my absolutely favourite authors. Here is his final sentiment, typed by his daughter:



Fellow author and friend Neil Gaiman was among those paying tribute to Sir Terry, writing on his website: "There was nobody like him. I was fortunate to have written a book with him, when we were younger, which taught me so much."
Gaiman added: "I will miss you, Terry, so much."
 
Niel Gaiman is another of my favourite authors... both of these excerpts were taken from the BBC News site.



Wednesday, March 11, 2015

A List of Lovelies.

A few things that I take gentle pleasure in at the moment:

The deep green of fresh dino kale and its grassy smell.

The orange sunrise filtering through the window shutters and filling the room with liquid gold.

 The sound of good, dark chocolate breaking into pieces and its aroma as it melts.

The delightful weight of a sautée pan handle on the palm and the glint of silver as it lands on the stove.

The sound of my son laughing as he splashes water in his bath.

The way my family drinks in the sight of my son and his little aura.

The feel of a freshly laundered cotton t-shirt after a shower.

The cool feeling of evening breezes on the skin and the fresh smell of night.

The rich, smooth taste of hot coffee with warmed foamy almond milk.

The smell of my partner's skin just after he's shaved.

The fresh green and nutty aroma of brussels' sprouts roasting in the oven.

The friendly feel of the well-worn pages of a book I've read a hundred times.

The promise of green shoots signaling spring through the melted puddles of snow.

The hint of summer in the lengthening days and glowing mornings.

The dream of a new kitchen and repaired space of home despite the plaster dust swimming around our floors.

The warmth of my husband's family gathering this weekend to share a meal and catch up.

The knowledge that though this great experiment of ours is far from easy, the work it takes is worth doing and I'm becoming a better person for it.


Monday, March 2, 2015

Good Bye February

Snow keeps falling. Normally dry as fluffy, dancing, swirling dust. Lately, wet as a thick floating blanket. 

Heavy, slippery soft and cold, cold, cold. Winter is going out with a flourish. Spring has not sprung.

At home, the great experiment continues. Not enough time for oneself. Not enough time to write or read.

Learning to say "no," again as well as to sign. Seeing the whispers of exhaustion floating off of every body within.

Difficulties with communication all around and loud, loud, loud expressions followed by silent, and harsher feelings.

Bright, aching and startling sun flashes through the windows at times. The grey, calm, deep and cloudy moments follow. 

My favorites, are the gray days. The times with sparks of silence, cups of hot beverage. Snow silently slipping through the clouds from the sky.

Colds and sneezes have come and gone. Haggard faces laugh and merriment entails loving words. Back and forth ticks the clock counting the seconds of the minutes of the hours of the days into nights and weeks and months.

Not yet years, but soon enough. How to measure the changes of the internal seasons? How to weather the outside family's struggles and need for support? How to express our love to those that need it beyond ourselves while striving to maintain the rocking balance of peace and working through at home?

There could be enough time in the day if those silent would speak to those willing to listen. There could be love enough in the air if those closed would open to it. There could be compassion and patience for all if those rigid in their expectations could bend a  bit, but for now, we make do and move along.

Change, change and more change is on the horizon that floats out in the distance; hovering as the pinks, reds, golds and blues of sunset mingle with the purples, oranges and greens of sunrise. 

A wise person once said, 'Everything in moderation,' but what about the days when drowning feels inevitably to be the only option?

Happiness streaked and marbled through with frustration and tension.  Sadness touched lightly with warmth and hope and desperate will to work through things.

Sacrifices of the soul made up in new time that flows from the choices of necessity. Gibberish that drips from the lips of babes will soon make sense when we learn the ancient art of translation.

Share the burden, spread out the tension and it becomes thin and more pliable, or breaks and disintegrates all together. Work with each other's strengths; remember that this too shall pass and that the demolition of the easiest parts have already begun. Soon, new and better spaces and places will be revealed if we can simply, hold, hold, hold - on.

What are we missing? Fond thoughts of friends and relatives seep through the cracks and by acknowledging them, they are satiated and spread back through the ether with energy signatures. Say it aloud and it gains power, so make sure you speak what needs to be said for the situation.

Destiny is afoot? Perhaps. Or perchance we make our own fate our own future's stars are designed  and hung with our shining hands alone. Life right now, is at it's most alive. Spinning in the melee, the calm at the center of the storm is this delightfully and heartbreaking mess that we call existence. 





     

Monday, December 15, 2014

The Time It Takes


How long does it take, to take a breath;
To say the thing you need to?
How long does it take, to make the time;
To work on the love you must do?

How long do we have, to get it right;
This life that one is leading?
How long do we have, to fight the fight;
To save what we hold too dearly?

How long is a second of agony?
Far quicker than one of joy.
How long is a second of ecstasy?
Too fleeting to play too coy.

The second of hesitation tells;
The longing behind held breath.
The second of glancing away to the left,
The withheld truth, a heart bereft.

There's nothing that I fear more than this;
To be misunderstood and miss our last kiss.

How long does it take to state your truth?

It takes the time it takes.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

October:

Hooray Halloween... and not getting to decorate on account of having sold our little vernacular victorian and moving in (temporarily) with my Mother In Law (THANKS B for putting up with us) and for J applying for the jobs he really, REALLY wanted (HOORAAAAY)!

November:

Hoooooray for little S turning 1 year old (and for myself 31), and for getting to move into our next adventure -- The Burrow (a multigenerational home) and for J GETTING the dream job! HOORAY!!!

Now, I am hopefully getting a new computer (hence the lack of posting -- sharing is difficult) and since I haven't purchased a new computer since 2003 (yes... I love my ole' glorified typewriter who is no longer internet-savvy) this is a BIG FUN DEAL and shall lead to a revival of MWMWL.

I leave you with this:


The wind blows the leaves through the dust of the trees,
The light in the morning burns red.

It's clear from the things that are sought in our dreams,
'We'll manifest destiny,' spreads.

The cold comes, alights, and whispers through nights,
We snuggle all cozy and warm.

Give Thanks and receive from the barest of deeds,
Ye olde' circle completes with the storm.

Cheers!

Friday, September 5, 2014

The Way the Light Falls... a Practice in Self Loving.

When do I love my body best?

I love my body best early in the morning:

When the silver, feathered strokes of dawn,
 Touch softly on my skin,
Softening my rounds and sharpening my curves,

Painting me as a black and white photograph,

Luscious and smooth and flawless,
Quiet, still and graceful,
Carefully composed and still warm with sleep.

I love my body best in the afternoon:

When the crisp air chills my skin pleasantly,
 Sending goose-bump trails across its surface,
Standing out my shape and framing me with gray sky,

Colouring me in striking and vibrant tones,

Deep and dark and rich,
Brilliant, saturated and clear,
Daringly drawn and rosy with rain.

I love my body best in the quick evening:

When the sparkling sunset seeps through into night,
 And my skin glows as the light leaves earth,
Wrapping around my form with shadows and shades,

Highlighting me with the fading gold,

Full and fair and delicious,
Cool, open and honest,
Elegantly etched and breathless with joy.


I love my body best at midnight:

When the moonlight bathes my skin in liquid silver,
 And contrasts it against the dark,
Shaping my hourglass with fine ink and quill,

Casting me as the goddess beneath stars,

Radiant, fluid and strong,
Seamless, mysterious and fiery,
Freely focused and dancing with power.


North, South, East and West:
shall love my body best,

Promise this, I, to myself,
Gathering the strength of health,

Never will escape my lips,
Words to banish, balk or quip,

I see me, mine own in flesh,
Composed, drawn, cast and etched.

Perfectly, with imperfection,
Sacred despite self-selection,

Faults affect and make me real,
Love, thine own, is what I'll feel,

Only positively read,
Blessings be upon my head.

--------------------------------------------


Thursday, September 4, 2014

Our MASTER Plan! MWAHAHAHAHA! HA!

   "You're crazy. It'll never work."

   "Are you all poor? Are they?"

   "Won't you argue about how to raise your kids?"

   "Is one of you paying the other rent?"

   "How will you have your own space?"

   "Aren't you adults? Why would you want to do that?"

   "How can the benefits outweigh the headaches?"

------------------------------------------

J and I have a master plan.

We came up with it after having a discussion about families and support systems. We discussed how parents, grandparents, siblings and cousins affect a person throughout their lifetime.

He and I both agreed that  having good relationships and stellar communication skills are essential to being a fully functional and happy adult. Learning about respect, compromise and compassion is fundamental to having a happy existence.

So, we came up with the plan: to surround our children with love, support, life experience and the potential to have as many helpful adults around as possible.

We have decided to purchase a house and move in together with my folks.

Yes, you read that correctly.

We are all deciding to move in together; not because of monetary issues, health failings or economic difficulties, but because we want to further value, work on and retain loving relationships. We want to build a support system for our children and we want them to know that family means taking care of each other.

My family is spread out: I have cousins all over the place and friends across the continental U.S.
J lost his mum when he was 17, and his dad not so long ago. His brother and extended family (step sisters, etc... whom we count as REAL sisters) are near us now.

Family and extended family are important to us.

My folks are also on-board with this master plan, because why should we wait until someone dies to appreciate each other? Why should things have to be in dire straights and difficult before an elderly parent moves in to share a home? Why not learn how to get along together now as adults and reshape our relationships by choice, rather than necessity?

We want to make decisions together as a family that don't involve waiting for death to be a factor which dictates necessity of life. We also think that my folks should get to enjoy their retirement while they're living.

My folks want to enjoy their grandchildren too. We want them to be a part of our kids' lives because it's important to us that they understand that age and experience matter. My Mimi (mother's mother) helped raise me. She was a source of wisdom, love and insight. My grandparents meant a lot to me.

Life is short and we want to live it together! We want to strengthen our relationships now, so that should difficulties arise in the years ahead, we can be happy and grateful that we've made these choices.

I don't think having a multigenerational home is the right decision for everyone; indeed, probably not for most people.

It IS the right decision for us.

  "You're crazy. It'll never work." -- That's just like, your opinion, Man. Besides, we'll never know unless we try. Worst case scenario, either we or my folks purchase another house and move out. We're doing this by choice, not being forced into anything, so we have that luxury should things prove too difficult.

   "Has something happened to your money? Are your parents all right?" -- No one is poor or destitute. We are choosing to do this now and enjoy our time together, rather than be forced into a co-habitation situation later because of tragedy. It's empowering rather than unfortunate.

   "Won't you argue about how to raise your kids?" -- J and I are S's parents; end of story. My folks are his grandparents (and he has another set of grandparents too). We have agreed to have discussions about who enforces what, how and when. We know our roles and we've set up good lines of communication. It's no different than if we lived across town from each other. If we disagree about something, we will calmly and rationally go over the boundaries.

Nothing is perfect, and if someone thinks it is, they're lying to themselves.

   "Is one of you paying the other rent?" -- No. This is a joint venture that we're CHOOSING. We're trying to keep things 50% - 50% in the power and responsibility balance.

   "How will you have your own space?" -- The new house we've chosen is (we hope) big enough for everyone to have their own area(s) and not feel put upon or cramped, without being a ridiculously enormous mansion. If need be we have an entire basement (with a separate entrance) that can be re-finished to create different apartments. We also have space above the garage that could be a studio apartment or guest house space.

   "Aren't you adults? Why would you want to do that?" -- We are adults and we believe that it takes a village to raise a child. We are also looking at this as an opportunity to improve our communication with each other and to help each other out. Together we can afford and handle more than we could separately. More resources equal more possibilities!

Also, multigenerational homes used to be the rule, not the exception. We believe in a more even-keeled and balanced power/responsibility arrangement, as opposed to the supremely matriarchal or patriarchal societal set-up that was the norm in the past.

   "How can the benefits outweigh the headaches?" -- Nothing worth having is gotten easily. J and I feel that giving our children (and ourselves and my parents) such a support system is worth the work it takes to make the venture successful.

We count the benefits as enormous blessings:

 Two extra adults to help with childcare. I can continue to work from home without having to pay for daycare.

My folks have extra support and help immediately, should they require it.

J and I are able to give back in time, money, energy, cooking, cleaning and love and so are my parents.

For vacations we have live-in house and pet sitters!

Scheduling is an easy task we can do as needed without awkward phone calls about summer break and Holiday vacation!

We have enough guest rooms for friends and family to visit independently of our two sub family schedules.

We are better able to communicate and share joys and sorrows as a family; to grow stronger and improve our relationships now, instead of later.

Will there be arguments, discussions and hardships? Absolutely. We all going to have some strategic counseling sessions before we move in together to try and learn how not to step on each others toes.

In my opinion, part of being an adult is mending things that are broken or dysfunctional; working to improve oneself always. I want to have a good relationship with my kiddos, my husband, my family and my friends, so it makes sense that I try to further improve my already loving relationship with my own parents because the way I interact with them is going to affect my children no matter what.

I never thought, come hell or high-water that I would consider sharing a home with my folks; once I'd moved out for University, I vowed "never again," because I love my independence. I love making my own decisions.

As my adult life has continued, I learned how to be alone. How to live on my own and handle things by myself. I can do it. I'm glad I have learned that about myself. I prefer though, to have loved ones near me. I learned when I began dating J and when we got married and had S that marriage is really all about compromise and learning (yet again) how to pick and choose your battles.

I want to take care of my parents when they need me to; hopefully much later on in our lives. Why then, are we moving in together now?

Simply because we want to enjoy each other and love each other while we can. We don't want our lives to fly by having only seen each other occasionally during the holidays. I want my son (and any other babies we have) to have what I had as a kid: a wise and doting grandparent (or two, or four) whom they can rely on. I don't want S to grow up only knowing my folks (and J's step-mum) as those formal and distant people that he must obey at Yuletide supper. We want him to have a warm set of adults (besides us) who care about him unconditionally.

I want my folks too, to know that they can never be a burden -- I want to help them as they have helped me to understand throughout my life so far:

I'm here for you. I love you. No matter what happens, I will do my best to support you.

J and I want to give back and share the love before we're called upon to do so, not after.